


What You Choose to See

by AzulaLavellan



Series: The Raven Herald [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Aasha has issues, Abusive Bann, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Awkward Flirting, Because the Inquisitor has been through a lot, But they help each other, Cullen Has Issues, Cullen taking lyrium, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Finally, I'm Sorry, I'm terrible, Implied Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inquisitor tells off Bianca, Lyrium Withdrawal, Mercenary Trevelyan, Original Character Death(s), Other, Panic Attacks, Plotty, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Red Lyrium Cullen, Revelations, Self-Discovery, Vigilantism, because I love that ship, eventual Hawke/Verric, fight me, plot necessary smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-01-07 16:38:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12236673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzulaLavellan/pseuds/AzulaLavellan
Summary: The Inquisition is settling in to its new home at Skyhold and Aasha Trevelyan is adjusting to her role as Inquisitor. As The Inquisition begins to take on the events Dorian and Aasha witnessed at Redcliff, she gets drawn into the intrigue and riots in Ostwick. Her inner circle of friends find out about her past and her connection to the folk hero called the Raven.Post-Haven. Mentions of sexual assault and attempted rape  as well as mentions of past child abuse. I'll make sure to indicate which chapters have those as well as the smut with a giant NSFW. While trying not to spolier it, LGBTQIA+ themes as well as self discovery for several characters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Original Trevelyan created by myself through the DAI character creator. This part of the series reveals more of Aasha's backstory and clarifies some of the events mentioned in part 1. my personal headcannon really takes over here. Expect the Cullen/Inquisitor romance to be re-written. As already mentioned I'll indicate which chapters have NSFW content and where the NSFW parts begin and end, however some of the smut and most of the references to the abuse Aasha has experienced are necessary for the plot. I'll let you know which scenes those are as well. 
> 
> As with last time, I dont own any of the Bioware cannon, setting, or non-OC characters.

"’World-making Glory,’ I cried out in sorrow,  
’How shall your children apology make?  
We have forgotten, in ignorance stumbling,  
Only a Light in this darken'd time breaks.  
Call to Your children, teach us Your greatness.  
What has been forgotten has not yet been lost.’"

The words fell quietly in the closed tent as Cullen whispered them, “Maker will you take your light? You had use her to teach us your greatness, will you take her when it wasn’t her time? If only I had done more, I had stood my ground or went after her.” He raised his eyes from her hand that he held to the face of the woman on the cot, her chest rising and falling in smooth rhythm, her deep auburn hair splayed about her pillow, her violet eyes closed. Cullen moved from the chair he was sitting in to kneeling by Aasha’s side as he returned her hand to the cot.

“I should have been there, not you.” He said as he placed his forehead on her arm ans sat there for a few minutes. “Maker don’t take her, don’t take her yet, not when I haven’t told her.” 

Looking up at her face, he cupped her cheek in his hands and ran his thumb along the line of her cheekbone.

“Aasha, please, come back. We need you.” He said, tears falling down his cheeks. “I need you.”

When she sighed in her sleep his heart flipped in his chest and his breath caught. But she didn’t stir. For a moment, he leaned in and touched her forehead with his. Then he slowly straightened and wiped the tears from his face. Hearing the tent flap open he turned to face Mother Giselle.

“She hasn’t stirred.” He said as he stood at the entrance with the revered mother.

“Have faith.” She answered, “She will return to us, Commander.”

He only looked at the ground as she waited for a reply. Hearing none, she entered the tent to sit at the chair Cullen had just vacated.

“I love you, Aasha.” He whispered as he turned to meet with his scouts.

Hours later things still hadn’t changed. The scouts could report nothing other than their location and no one would be willing to take them in. With being stuck in the mountains, moral was dropping, albeit slower now that his Herald, the Herald, Cullen corrected himself, had returned. The stress on them caused a continuous argument with Cassandra, Leliana, and Josefine and it was giving him an increasingly painful headache. Cullen sighed as he looked at the map.

“We need to find something,” he said turning from the map.

“We have sent scouts, messengers, we are doing all we can!” Josefine said in an exasperated tone.

“What would you have me tell them?” He shot at the group. “This isn’t what they signed up for!”

“We can’t simply ignore this!” Cassandra fired back. “We must find a way!”

“And you put you in charge?!” he snapped at the Seeker. “We need a consensus or we have nothing.”

“Please we must use reason!” Josefine pleaded. “Without the infrastructure of the Inquisition we’re hobbled.”

“That can’t come from nowhere!” Cullen snapped again.

“She didn’t say it could!” Leliana snapped back.

“Enough!” Cassandra shouted. “This is getting us nowhere!”

“Well, we’re agreed on that much!” Cullen fired at her. Glancing back at the healer’s tent, as he did several times daily since she came back, to see her looking at them. His heart jumped in his chest that she was finally awake. But then the shame that she saw the argument rose, and he turned and rubbed the back of his neck instead. What did she think of him, of them, yelling at one another and not able to solve any of the problems they had been face with since the fall of Haven. He shuffled as he stared into the fire. Thankfully the argument came to a halt. He looked up as the sound of a melodic voice singing came from behind where Aasha was standing.

“Shadows fall and hope had fled.

Steel your heart, the dawn will come.

The night is long and the path is dark.

Look to the sky, for one day soon,

The dawn will come.”

Mother Giselle sang as she came and stood by Aasha. Soon Leliana took up the hymn.

“The Shepherds lost, and his home is far

Keep to the Stars, the dawn will come."

Cullen looked around as many soldiers, scouts, mages, members of their Inquisition, her Inquisition, came to stand by or to kneel to the Herald a s they sung.

“The night is long, and the path is dark.”

Cullen could not help but join in himself.

“Look to the Sky, for one day soon,

the dawn will come.

Bare your blade, and raise it high.

Stand your ground, the dawn will come.

The night is long, and the path is dark.

Look to the sky, for one day soon,

The dawn will come.”

Muted chatter ran through the ranks as the hymn came to a close. 

“It’s all one world, Herald.” Mother Giselle said, seemingly continuing a conversation form earlier. Aasha looked to the revered mother in wonder as she spoke. “All that changes is our place in it.”

Most eyes followed the revered mother as she stepped forward into the crowd that had gathered. Cullen however, could not help but gaze at Aasha, his Herald. He was one of the very few that saw her walk to the edge of the camp with Solas.  


~~~~

Aasha followed the elf to a brazier standing just outside of the camp.

“A wise woman, worth heeding.” Solas stated as he lit the brasier with valefire. “Her kind understand the moments that unite a cause, or fracture it.”

Aasha nodded as she joined him by the fire.

“The orb Corypheus carried, the power he used against you,” Solas continued. “It is Elven. He used the orb to open the breech. Unlocking it must have must have caused the explosion that destroyed the Conclave. I do not yet know how Corypheus survived, nor am I certain how people will react when they hear of the orbs origin.”

“Yet your helping us stop him, despite the orbs origin.” Aasha replied. “We must make clear that the Inquisition stands for all Thedas, elves and humans alike.”

“That will take work and diligence.” The elf replied thoughtfully.

“If you have something, now is the time.”

“Yes, judging by the faithful now is the time,” Solas replied. “By attacking the Inquisition, Corypheus has changed it. Has changed you. Scout to the North, be their guide. There is a place that waits for a force to hold it.”

“Where is this place, Solas?” Aasha asked. “How do you know of it?”

“I…saw it in the fade, as you slept.”

“Come, show me.” The woman replied.

As they walked back to camp Aasha and a scout stopped by the supplies to get as many maps as they could before going to the table that Cullen and Cassandra had set up.  


“Whats all this?” Cullen exclaimed as Aasha dumped her maps in front of them.  


“Solas has an idea to where we can go, and I am going to find it.” She said as she began spreading them out. “What am I looking for?

“A valley to the north, right around here.” The elf responded, spreading and flattening a map of the northern Frostbacks and placing his finger on a specific spot.

“Okay, what scout groups can be ready to work within twenty four hours?” Aasha asked the group

“My group is ready now, my Lady.” Clement said from the corner where he had been watching.

“I can get my men ready within the hour,” Jaquelyn said, a little breathless as she ran up. “we will do whatever we need.”

“Im sure Lysa would want to be a part of this, though she is two short.” Rylen interjected. “If your going out, my Lady, im sure she would not mind deferring to you.”

“Okay, morning then.” Aasha said to the two of them. “We are looking for a fortress, I want three scout regions between us in this area. Solas, you’re with me, our group can take center.”

“We can make sure the Inquisition is ready to move by morning,” said Cullen.

“What if we cant find what we are looking for, what you are looking for?” Cassandra asked.

“Then we look for someplace more defensible and centralized then this.” Aasha replied.

Cullen again was taken by Aasha, she saw an opportunity and taken it. She was leading, and the Inquisition were ready to follow her.

“Then lets prepare.” He said. “Rylen, lets get the soldiers briefed.”

“I will join you.” Cassandra said following the two. Josefine nodded before leaving herself. 

“What exactly are we looking for?” Leliana asked.

“Skyhold,” Aasha replied.

“Sky…but that fortress was lost over an age ago. There is no way it still stands.” Leliana exclaimed.

“It does. I saw it as I walked the fade, trying to do my part to help.” Solas answered for Aasha. Whether Leliana knew he was lying or not, Aasha could see he was, though she couldn’t tell if it was that Skyhold exists or how he knew of its existence.

“It would be the perfect place for us if we can find it.” Aasha stood. “I suppose I should get some rest, after all I just woke up two hours ago.

“I wish you luck Herald, it’s the best we have.” Leliana said as she retired herself.

Aasha went to the mess tent and grabbed some food from the cooks. As she went to sit at one of the fires found herself watching Cullen as he entered his tent. makign a quick about face, she went back in the mess tent. 

“Has he eaten?” She asked. 

“Who?”

“Cullen?”

“Um no.” One of the cooks said between discrete snickers. 

“Okay, another bowl please” She said, ignoring the reaction of the cooks. Once they had provided the second meal, Aasha walked to Cullen's tent. As she entered and said his name Cullen's attention snapped up from his paperwork. Realizing who it was, his face lit up, followed by a slight redness just barely visible on his neck. 

“I wasn’t sure if you had eaten, so I brought you some food.” She said, suppressing a grin. “Care to eat with me?”

“I…yes. I mean no.” He replied as he reached to remove the papers strewn over the cot he was sitting on. “Please. Sit”

Aasha nodded and handed the second meal to him. 

“Um. How, How are you doing?” He asked awkwardly. 

“I’m fine. What about you?”

"Scouts report Corypheus has disappeared, the Red Templars are not searching for us. I don't think they know the Inquisition survived. Now that we have a direction, and your returned, moral is high."

"But what about you, Cullen?" She asked. "How are your headaches?"

"Worse." Cullen sighed, after a few minutes he looked at Aasha. "What if we had more warning? better fortifications? What if i had planned better? I should have planned better!"

"Cullen, what happened is not your fault." She replied, reaching over to rub his shoulders. "None of us could have predicted that we would be attacked. We did the best we could. With what we had, you did the best we could."

"Aasha, I wont let that happen to you again, you have my word."

A faint smile appeared on Aasha's face as she looked into his honey eyes. She resisted the urge to kiss him, as she didn't know how he would respond, instead reaching to squeeze his hand before turning to finish her meal. When they had finished, Aasha said goodnight and left.

The next morning, after getting herself ready, she left the tent they set up for her, fully intending to speak to Cullen. She made her way back to Cullen's tent. 

“Herald, Knight-Captain Rylan told me to report to you my Lady.” A voice suddenly cut into her thoughts.

“Lysa.” Aasha replied, sighing inwardly.

“You wanted us for a scouting party?”

“Yes, let me show you.” Aasha lead the woman to the table with the maps to brief her.  
Cullen saw Lysa meet with the Herald for her briefing and resolved to talk about Aasha’s words before she left, but was unable to as all scouting parties departed early that morning. Instead he suppressed his worry for her and continued preparing the Inquisition to leave. Whatever their feelings for each other are, their people come first. Within two hours of the scout parties leaving, Cullen and Cassandra were leading the Inquisition to the first rendezvous point, a good three quarters day march north of their current camp. During the planning each scout leader and their seconds coordinated with the leaders for a series of rendezvous points, the main body of the Inquisition would march to each specific point within a reasonable timeframe then would remain for a pre-specified amount of time before packing up and leaving. The scouts themselves went with some of Leliana’s crows to provided needed updates and the main body would leave hidden coded messages regarding their journey at abandoned rendezvous points. Despite the planning taken, Cullen still worried. They had a one week journey to the last point and a lot could happen in that time. Finally, exactly seven days from when they left, they arrived at the last point, a pass just south of the Valley the scout groups are to explore. As the shadows lengthened, the Inquisition set up camp and prepared to remain for the night as planned. Cullen wandered through camp, attempting to boost moral as best he could. Now that the Inquisition had a direction and its people were looking to the Herald, it seemed that his efforts were unnecessary. He was still worried. Clement’s scout group returned during the evening meal, and Jaquelyn’s just before he started making rounds about camp. The fact she wasn’t back made him worry even more.

“She’ll be alright, Curly.” Verric said as she fell in step with the Commander.

“What?” He asked.

“Aasha, she’ll be alright.”

“I wasn’t…”

“Andraste’s ass, Cullen, we all see how you look at her, whats more is we see how she looks at you.

Seriously, you two could be straight out of one of my novels.”

“I…” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what your talking about.”

“Oh don’t worry, your not obvious to the entire world.” Verric replied with a grin, “just to those of us who know her.”

“I don’t…” Cullen started

“I know, I know. You don’t know what I’m talking about.” Verric finished for him. “But she’ll be alright, Curly, she has a reason to come back now, thanks to you.”  
Cullen watched as the dwarf sauntered off, his thoughts lost on her, his Aasha, his Herald. He shook his head and sighed as he walked back to his tent. Ever since she told him she loved him the thought of making their relationship more professional rather than personal was pushed out of his head. Sitting at his makeshift desk, Cullen started reading scouts reports as a distraction. Aasha’s, Clements, and Lysa’s were by no means the only teams in the field. Many were looking for traces of Corypheus, the Red Templars, or the Venatori, or resources and loyal allies. He started rereading the report, having to read the same line three times or so. The lines seem to blur together. Suddenly he sat straight up, the sound of someone talking interrupting his dreams. He glanced at the candle on his desk, which had burned low. It was the middle of the night, almost morning and realized he must have dozed.

“Cullen, when was the last time you slept?” Cassandra, who was standing at the entrance to his tent, asked. He waved the question away.

“She’s back” She said suddenly. His heart leapt.

“What? Really?” He rushed out and sure enough, there she was standing by the wartable looking worn-out but excited all at the same time.

“Aasha your…” Cullen started, then rubbed the back of his neck as she grinned at him. “Herald, did you find it?”

“It was right where Solas said it was.” She said, marking the point on the map. “Lets get packed in the morning and I’ll lead us to Skyhold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im trying to write this part by posting a chapter weekly. So... chapter 2 next Sunday :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! :) may have gone overboard with the dialogue. oh well. enjoy and let me know what you think :)

“Cullen.” Cassandra stated as she walked up. “About the Herald.”

“What about her?” He asked, his heart began to beat a bit faster, expecting…

“We need your input in this discussion.”

“What are you discussing?”

“Her role in our leadership. The fact we do not have an Inquisitor.”

“And you want to make her the Inquisitor?” he asked as Josephine and Leliana joined them.

“She’s the one that has been leading us.” Leliana said. “Any decision we came too, she was the deciding factor. Anytime we had operations that she could not attend to, she delegated to us. If we ran into a hard choice, all we have done is advise, but she was the one that had the final say each time.”

“She’s the logical choice, she holds loyalties from refugees and pilgrims all the way to nobility.” Josephine added. 

“So, its decided?” Cassandra asked the group.

“Don’t you think we should include her on these talks?” Cullen interjected with a sigh.

“Fine, where is she?” Cassandra asked, turning to the gate as the woman in question walked through, helping bring in a load of supplies. As with every time he laid eyes on her, Cullen’s heart jumped seeing the beautiful redhead. With an approving grin, Cassandra gestured to Aasha. Upon seeing them she turned to speak to one of the soldiers she was assisting then trotted over.

“Hey.” She said, a little breathless.

“The Inquisition is settling in nicely, thanks to you, Herald., and our numbers are swelling.” Cassandra stated. “It’s only been a fortnight but people have been arriving daily from every settlement in the region. Skyhold is becoming a pilgrimage.”

“If word has reached these people, it will have reached the Elder One,” Cullen added. “We have the fortifications and the numbers to put up a fight here, but the threat is far beyond what we anticipated.”

“We now know what allowed you to stand against Corypheus,” Leliana said. “And what drew him to you.”

“He came for this, and now it’s useless to him.” Aasha replied, holding out her Marked hand. “Now he wants me dead. That’s it.”

“The Anchor has power,” Cassandra answered. “But that’s not why you’re still standing here. The Inquisition needs a leader.”  
She looked around at the four of them, even as Leliana and Josephine walked away.

“You want me to be the Inquisitor?”

“Yes.” 

“I…” Aasha sighed, pausing for a moment. “I really appreciate this gesture, but I’m a spy, a rogue. I work form the shadows and I am best used in positions that I won’t be noticed. Like a servant or messenger. Just being the Herald brings too much visibility.”

“Whether you wish it or not, you have been leading us, and we have been following.” Cullen said as gently as possible. “You have made the hard decisions when we were unable too. Your actions let us close the Breach. Your determination brought us out of Haven.”

“Don’t you see that you, Cullen, or you, Cassandra, would be much better suited to being Inquisitor.” Aasha argued.

“You are that creatures rival because of what you did.” Cassandra answered. “And we know it, all of us.” 

“The Inquisition requires a leader.” Cullen added. “The one who has already been leading it.”  
Aasha nodded as the three of them began walking up the two flights of steps to the upper courtyard and training grounds. 

“And just what are you going to do if I refuse this?” She asked. “I was trained to be a tool, not a figurehead. I played that part at the Breach and at Haven. If I can’t be used the way I was trained, then what I have already accomplished should be enough.”

“We’ve all sacrificed, but we’re not done.” Cassandra replied. “You’re not done.”  
Cassandra paused as Cullen also took his leave.

“If nothing else Corypheus still wants you dead.” Cassandra continued. “We cannot protect you if you leave. If the Inquisition disappears, and it will without you, you will be alone.”

The pair mounted the two flights of stairs to the Throne Room. Aasha became acutely aware of the growing crowd on her right, looking down she could see Cullen standing with a dopy grin on his face and an admiring light in his eyes as he watched her. Her heart raced at what was happening. Though to her, Cullen was standing there like an island of calm in a sea of storms. On the landing between flights, Leliana stood with an ornate sword.

“I believe the Maker intended you for this.” Cassandra said. “We need each other. But how you lead us, that is for you to determine.”  
Aasha walked forward and reached to sword. This is not what she wanted. This is way out of what she was trained for and unfamiliar territory. But this is what they all wanted. She looked at the now huge crowd, all watching her and waiting to see what she will do. Slowly she lifted the ornate weapon and gazed into the blade, lost in her own thoughts for several minutes. 

“This isn’t about the greater message.” She said finally, turning to the crowd. “We have an enemy, and we have to stand together. The Inquisition will fight for all of us.”

“Where ever you lead us!” Cassandra responded as her and Leliana came and stood beside Aasha. 

“Have our people been told?” Cassandra addressed the crowd.

“They Have. And soon, the World!” Josephine, who had joined Cullen, answered.

“Commander, will they follow?”

As Cullen addressed the crowd himself, his grin grew wider.

“Inquisition! Will you Follow?” The Inquisition responded with a resounding cry. “Will you fight?” Cullen shouted, barely audible above the din. “Will we Triumph?”

“Your Leader! Your Herald! Your Inquisitor!” He shouted finally, drawing and raising his sword to a deafening shout. Even Josephine shouted for a moment as their new Inquisitor raised her own blade, though she very quickly composed herself again.

~~~~

“So this is where it begins” Cullen mused as he looked around at the massive throne room, admiring its cathedral ceilings and the ornate stained glass windows behind the dais that stretched from the floor all the way to the roof.

“It began in the Courtyard.” Aasha answered him. “This is where we turn that promise into action.”

“But what will we do?” Josephine asked. “We know nothing about this Corypheus except that he wanted your Mark.”

“Someone out there must know something.” Aasha responded.

“Unless they saw him at Haven, most will not believe he exists.” Josephine said.

“Corypheus had an army,” Cullen replied. “An army requires infrastructure, no matter how organized or extensive. We can start with the Red Templars.”

“We have one clear advantage,” Leliana interjected. “We know what Corypheus intends to do next.” She turned to the new Inquisitor. “In that strange future you experienced, Empress Celene had been assassinated.”

“Imagine the chaos her death would cause,” said the Antivan. “With his army…”

“An army he’ll bolster with a massive force of demons,” interrupted Cullen. “Or so the future tells us.”

“Corypheus could conquer the entire south of Thedas, God or no God.” Josephine finished. 

“I’d feel better if we knew what we were dealing with.” Leliana sighed as they stopped outside a side door to the right of the dais.

“I know someone who could help with that.” A gruff voice interrupted their discussion. The four turned to the newcomer.

“Everyone acting all inspirational jogged my memory.” Verric said as he approached the group. “So, I, I sent a message to an old friend. She’s crossed paths with Corypheus before, and may know more about what he is doing. She can help.”

“Who is this friend of yours, Verric?” Aasha asked.

“The thing is…” Verric started tentatively. “Parading around will cause a scene and she’d rather stay incognito as long as possible. You’ll have to meet privately.” The dwarf sighed. “Trust me, it’s complicated.”

Aasha was quiet for a few moments, her face unreadable to Verric’s disappointment. She didn’t see Cullen and Leliana exchange glances behind her.

“I’m always looking for new allies.” She said finally. “Introduce us.”

“She should be getting the letter about now, and should be arriving within he month.” Verric replied. “When she arrives, I’ll arrange everything.” He turned and sauntered out. 

“Well, then.” Josephine took the conversation. “We stand ready to move on all these concerns.”

“On your order.” Cullen smirked with a rather wide, teasing grin. “Inquisitor.”  
Aasha rolled her eyes and smirked back. Josephine gestured to the door they were walking to before Verric came in. 

“This way to the new war room. It was one of the first things we had furnished.” Josephine said as she let them through what was obviously her office and through a pair of massive doors that nearly touched the ceiling. They opened onto the war room itself. Opposite the doors, massive stained-glass bay windows stood floor to ceiling and in the very center stood a huge table carved from the stump of a dead tree found in the courtyard. On the table was a giant map of Thedas that included Orlais, Ferelden, Nevarra, the Free Marches, southern and central Tevinter, and southern Antiva. A few scouts were still working to place the last remaining markers for completed ops, planned ops, and the locations of current units across Thedas. 

“Sister Leliana.” Said one of the scouts. “We were just finishing, but you might want to take a look at this.”  
Leliana took the report from the scout and began reading through it. Cullen picked up another.

“Ah, the requisitions we have ordered are being fulfilled and should be delivered shortly, that’s good, we can get Skyhold into a more defensible condition in no time.” He said.

“We need to have our connections restore as soon as possible.” Josephine said. “While announcing we have an Inquisitor and a new fortress has already gone a long way, we should start announcing our presence more forcefully. I will start working on our noble allies…”  
Leliana’s sharp intake of breath caught the four off-guard.

“Leave us.” She ordered the scouts.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Aasha, taking the report as Leliana placed a marker on the Fallow Mire. “Oh.” The Inquisitor said as she handed it to Cullen next.

“Most of our scout force was taken captive by the son of an Avvar chieftain. He demands to fight the Herald in close combat or he will kill his captives.”

“He cannot be serious.” Cullen said as he put the report down. “We can send out a few squads...”

“He is very serious.” Leliana replied as Josephine took the report and read it herself.

“I will not allow it.” Cullen argued. “This is obviously a trap. I will not allow the Inquisitor to put herself in danger for a deranged lunatic trying to prove himself.”

“Is that your feelings for her worship speaking?” Leliana asked.

“I…uh…what I mean…what I want to say….” Cullen stumbled as he blushed and put his hand on the back of his neck. Aasha thought it would have been amusing and enduring had they not been talking about her engaging in solo combat with a giant Avvar warrior.

“She can’t not go.” Josephine put in. “This Avvar is very clear on the consequences if the Herald herself does not come to fight him.”

“Aasha,” Cullen started but coughed. “You worship, you must see…”

“I’ll go, if I don’t our men die.” Aasha interrupted. “But I will not go alone. I’ll take a group large enough to guard me but small enough that it won’t alarm the Avvar.” She looked around the room, though Leliana and Josephine nodded, Cullen still looked uneasy. “Cullen, I’ll be fine.” She said, looking into his honey eyes.

“If it wasn't for the gravity of the situation, I’d say this would be adorable.” Leliana mused. 

Aasha gave her a look before continuing on.

“We will leave day after tomorrow for the Fallow Mire.”

~~~~

“Skyhold is quite the sight to come home too, is it not.” Dorian mused as they entered the valley and the fortress came into view.

“hmm, yes, it is” Aasha sighed wistfully.

“I see someone is thinking about strapping young templars.” Dorian grinned. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Aasha said calmly.

“Uh-huh.” Verric quipped sarcastically. “Hey Sparkler, bet you 40 crown that Violet will be snogging Curly before we leave on our next mission?”

“How about 10 royals it’ll be within a fortnight.” Dorian challenged.

“Makers breath you two!” Aasha exclaimed.

“Ha! She’s even adopted his favorite phrases.” Bull joked. “Count me in on that action!”

“Ugh!” Aasha she rolled her eyes as she encouraged her horse to trot toward Skyhold. She had to admit to herself that she did want to grab Cullen’s face and kiss him silly, but first a bath. Though a bit nose-blind, she knew she had bog stench all over her, and she was tired of it. Their mission to the Mire went well, for the most part. The hordes of undead plague victims were unexpected, but once the rifts were cleared and beacons lit, they seemed to die down a bit. She accepted the Avvar warrior’s challenge, which he fully intended to either kill her or make her his wife. When he fell, his men charged her. Before her companions could react, she had already swept through most of them. To her relief, the scouts where all alive and with no worse than a few sprains and broken bones. She decided to escort them home and let Scout Harding and a company of Cullen’s soldiers.

As the group passed through the gates, Aasha noticed that the ruined bridge on the right had been completed. And there standing in the middle was Cullen, looking at her with the face of a man who had found something he was looking for. As she met his eyes she smiled, trying to ignore the fact that her world stopped for a moment. Everything went back, including her friend’s quips, as the passed under the bridge. Almost as soon as she had removed her horses tack and brushed the poor gelding, she was hit with reports and requisitions to sign. Grabbing the stack from the messenger, she made her way to her quarters. Praying to the Maker that a bath had been layed out. Mounting the top of her stairs, she surveyed the large open, lonely, room she had only spent one night in, and there indeed, was a bath. 

“Everything else could wait!” She thought as she stripped off her clothes and climbed in.

Several interruptions from messengers about a wartable meeting, and hours later, Aasha pulled herself out of the bath and dressed in leggings and a blouse under knee high leather boots, elbow length leather gloves, and a matching vest. She had hoped to see Cullen before the debrief but he wasn’t there, meeting only at the wartable as she launched into a report about the rescue of the scout team and events in the Mire. As the finished the dinner bell rang, and their eyes met one more time, but before either of them could do anything they each were bombarded with requisitions. The second she looked down, he had disappeared. The frustrating trend of both of them being too busy for any more than a passing glance was very irritating, especially as several days went buy. He would attend few meals and only see her at the wartable. They did manage a few late night walks under the watchful eye of a guard or two, but for what she wanted to talk with him about, they needed more privacy. She could tell the way he looked at her and she had to know what he felt, and she wanted to tell him how she felt. She just wanted to be with him. But there are things about her past she needed to tell him. When worked stopped for the dinner hour a week after her return from the Mire, Aasha looked around expectantly for Cullen as she did every meal, but like normal, he wasn’t there. With a sigh, she grabbed a tray and a second helping as she got her own meal. As she walked through the veranda her mind rolled over what she would say over and over Arriving at his door, she pushed aside her thoughts, tried to quiet her racing heart, and knocked.

“Come.” Came Cullen’s gruff voice. She entered to see him holding a report and a quill, reading intently. As his door clicked shut, he glanced up.

“Inquisitor!” He exclaimed, jumping to his feet. “Your worship, I didn’t…”

“It’s okay, Cullen.” Aasha replied, grinning. “I didn’t see you so I brought you some food. Would you care to eat with me?”

“I…The evening meal has started, hasn’t it?” Cullen asked with a sigh. “Thank you, I would not mind at all.”

As he cleared a space for the tray on his desk, she pulled a chair up from the corner of the room. 

“I feel like you should have a sofa or something brought in?” Aasha observed.

“Is that an order, your worship?”

“No.” Aasha replied. “Just a suggestion, and it’s just us. You don’t have to use my title, please?” she practically begged.

“Okay, Aasha, but if someone arrives…”

“That I don’t mind.” She said, grinning at the fact he had said her name. As they ate, several messengers came and went, bowing to the Inquisitor soon as they recovered from the surprise at seeing her there. As she finished, she knew she had to tell him. And her heart started beating faster again. Why could this not be easy? The instant he finished as well, she got up.

“You’re not leaving, are you?” he asked.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“I mean…” Cullen started, visibly bracing himself as Aasha hesitated.

“Alone.” She said finally, a look of worry, then realization and surprise passed Cullen’s face.

“Oh…Of course.” He replied, leading her out a side door to the battlements and in the direction of one of the towers that few people frequented. They walked in an uncomfortable silence as Aasha tried to organize her thoughts into something coherent, her heartbeat deafening her ears. Lost as she was in her nervousness, she barely heard that Cullen had said something.

“What?” she asked, embarrassed, but trying not to show it.

“It’s a…” he started again before sighing. “There was something you wanted to discuss?”

"I…yes” she began, taking her eyes off him and looking at her feet out of nervousness, and partly that she was reacting like this. “Cullen, I find myself thinking of you.” She looked back up at him. “More than…well all the time actually.” She paused, looking for the words to say what she wanted next.

“I can’t say I haven’t wondered what it would be like myself.” He said, jarring Aasha’s train of thought.

“You, you want to…” Aasha began, then leaned with her back against the parapet. “What stopped you?”

“You’re the Inquisitor” he replied, coming slowly closer. “We are at war, and I didn’t think it possible that you still felt that way.”

He was so close his scent was overwhelming her scenes and meddling her mind so much she forgot the reason she had wanted to talk to him in the first place. 

“I’m still here.” She said quietly.

“So you are.” He replied, leaning in. Aasha stole a quick glance at his lips and that sexy scar before closing her eyes, waiting for the kiss…

“Commander!” An approaching messenger called. “You wanted a copy of Leliana’s report.”

Aasha side and hung her head as he pulled away. By the time she looked up at the guard, what was his name, Bruce? Her face was once again deadpan. Cullen slowly turned. 

“WHAT?” he growled.

“Sister Leliana’s report.” Bruce said as he looked up into the hard glare of the Commander, then glanced at the Inquisitor, who although deadpan, had murder in her eyes. He gulped hard. “You said ‘without delay.’” But all he got was Aasha’s raised eyebrow. After two long seconds he spoke again. “Or, to your office. Right.” And he practically ran. Aasha sighed, stupid messenger ruining the moment.

“Cullen, if you need to...” She gasped as the amazing feeling of warm, soft, slightly chapped lips pressing against hers, and Cullen’s large, gloved hands holding her face. She melted into him, grabbing his cloak for support as her knees went weak. 

“I’m Sorry.” He said as he pulled away. “That was, really nice.”

“Not what I was expecting.” Aasha replied, still dazed. “But exactly what I wanted. 

“Oh.” He said leaning back in. “Good” She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her close as their lips touched again. Feeling his tongue brush across her lips, she parted them, savoring his taste and feel. 

“I…should have…done this…at…Haven.” She got out between kisses, before finally falling silent again at the pure pleasure of his mouth on hers. After several minutes, the parted, breathless, leaning their foreheads together. 

“Why did we wait.” He asked.

“I think I’m done waiting.” She replied before leaning into another kiss. After a few moments she parted from him, and returning his look of desire with one of her own, she led him back to his office. Reaching the door, she turned, leaning against it and drew him in, pressing her lips to his as she groped for the latch. When the door fell open, she clung to her commander for support. Then they froze in each other’s arms as they looked into a scouts shocked face.

“Commander?” The scout from earlier, Bruce, said sheepishly. “The report…”

“You waited for him?” She asked. “Apparently your men wait for you, I guess I should let you get back to work.” She said turning back to Cullen and making her disappointment known. 

“That…probably.” He replied hoarsely. She pressed one last lingering kiss on his lips, just to make Bruce uncomfortable as get back for his interruption, well his waiting.

“I’ll see you later, Commander.” She said as she parted from him. “Bruce.” She nodded to the now blushing scout on her way out, hearing the automatic “Your Worship” as she shut the door behind her.

~~~~

As she made her way back to the Throne Room via the main all, she went over their conversation over and over. He like her, he wanted her, she could not believe what had happened. The fact that he truly was her Commander now chased away any disappointment with herself that she didn’t tell him. She just had to bring it up a different day. As for right now, she was on cloud 9. Entering the throne room, she stopped short seeing Dorian sitting at Verric’s table trying to hide a very smug grin.

“Well aren’t you the cat that ate the canary.” She observed. “Where is Verric?”

“Losing a wager.” He replied, the smugness really showing through. “Since someone is jumping a certain templar’s bones.”

She opened her mouth to reply when Verric walked up.

“Your 10 royals, sparky. Don’t spend them all in one place.” He said, turning to Aasha. “Congrats, by the way.”

“We aren’t exactly public, Verric.”

“Dorian heard it from a scout who heard it from a messenger." Aasha groaned inwardly as Verric spoke. maybe she should not have put on such a show. "Shit, Violet, you really think all of Skyhold won’t know by tomorrow morning? You might as well go public. Anyways, there’s someone who wants to meet you.” 

“Your friend?” She asked, going all business again. He nodded an affirmative and gestured she follow

Verric lead her up onto the battlements and to the roof on the quartermaster’s, all the while reminiscing on the adventures he and Hawke took part in. As the halted, she wondered exactly why he was covering all those stories again.

“Anyways, thank you for being willing to meet here.” He said finally. Suddenly glancing behind her. “Inquisitor, I’d like you to meet…”

“Aasha!?” a surprised voice exclaimed. The familiarity caused Aasha to whip around and face the speaker.

“Makenna!!” She practically yelled as she ran and embraced her old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be a bit patient with me on Chapter 3; switched to a new pc and lost some of my notes and footage i was using as source material. im sorry :( But it will be posted ASAP


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry i missed my deadline!!! i feel bad. but here it is, the next chapter. and i have recovered my "research" aka i have recovered some lost videos and have continued filming my playthrough of DAI that corresponds with this fanfic. Enjoy :)

“You too know each other!?” Verric said in disbelief, looking first at Aasha, then at the mage with shoulder length black hair that was shaved on the left side, oval face, almond shaped brown eyes, and sun kissed skin indicating Antivan or Rivaini descent, wearing mages robes that fit her frame nicely and carrying an ornate staff befitting the Champion of Kirkwall. 

“You remember Danna?” Makenna Hawke replied.

“You’re that Danna?!” Verric said, eyes widening. “Andraste’s fucking tits!”

"I heard those tits were the shit." Makenna replied.

“You know,” Aasha put her right hand on her hip as she spoke. “He didn’t want to tell me who you were, something about complexities and not wanting to cause a scene.” She gestured with her left hand for emphasis

“Well, he’s right about not wanting to cause a scene.” Makenna looked at the dwarf and grinned mischievously. “But you could have told my oldest friend who I was though.” 

“Wha…” Verric started with a tone of fuax offense, then gestured dramatically causing both women to giggle. “How was I supposed to know? It’s not like you ever told me her real name!” 

“Thank you Verric, for wanting to protect me.”

“And now I get some gratitude.” He said with a smirk as he sauntered off. “I’ll leave you two to catch up.” 

“So,” Makenna turned to Aasha. “From Chantry sister to most powerful woman in all Thedas, how did you manage that?”

“I’ll tell you when I catch up.” Aasha replied. “I went from entering the Temple intending to become a sister to suddenly in a dungeon, everything in between is a blank, and after is a blur.”

“Blank?” Makenna asked

“Like I suppressed it. No, that’s not right. I have suppressed so much of my past, but this is different. More like it’s just gone.” Aasha replied leaning against the battlements looking over the courtyard. “You know, I didn’t want this.”

“Something tells me you asked to be a messenger, scout or…”

“Servant”  
“Figures.” Makenna said with a grin. “You never did like being the center of attention.”

“You blame me?” Aasha asked, Makenna only shrugged in answer.

“So,” She said finally, “Who’s in the tower you keep staring at?”

“No one.” Aasha replied.

“It’s blondie, isn’t it.” Makenna nudged her friend and got a look in return.

“Oh no you don’t,” Hawke laughed. “Not when you were snogging him on the battlements in plain view of the gate and courtyard.”

“You saw that?” Aasha asked with a slight blush.

“Pretty sure all of Skyhold saw.” Replied Makenna. “So, who’s the lucky guy that finally managed to steal your heart?”

“Wonderful and handsome.” She replied. “Considerate and patient. He has been there just to listen to me and be a friend since I met him. And his defense of Haven, Makenna, if it wasn’t for him, most of the Inquisition would have died, I would have died. And after, from what Cassandra told me, he gave everything to find me after that disaster. He is a bit of a dork though, and fun to flirt with. He starts to fumble his words.” Aasha grinned at that last part, remembering the time she asked him if he had taken certain vows…

“What’s his name?”

“Cullen.” Aasha said a little dreamily.

“You really are smitten.” Makenna said with a grin. “I am glad you found someone after…hold on, his name is Cullen?”

“Yea, why?”

“Tell me it’s not stick up his ass yet adorably awkward Knight-Captain Cullen Stanton Rutherford?!”

“He isn’t a templar anymore,” Aasha replied. “And his middle name is Stanton?”

“Of all the things, you. You’re with Cullen Rutherford?!” Makenna exclaimed, laughing. “Yea, his middle name is Stanton, don’t tell him I told you.” She laughed for a while longer before calming down. “Maker it’s a small world. He asked after you just before the incident in Kirkwall.”

“He did? I don’t even know if he remembers me, considering we ran into each other several times then.”

“Well technically you only met once, all other times you were masked and in disguise.”

“Good point.”

“You know, I’m glad he has you.” Makenna said thoughtfully. “Having someone like you, loyal to a fault, kind hearted, and giving, it will be good for him.

“I’m not loyal to a fault.” Aasha replied acting offended

“Yes, you are.” Makenna laughed. “Otherwise we wouldn’t be friends. But in this case, it’s a good thing. After everything.”

“What happened to him?”

“He hasn’t told you?”

Aasha shook her head. All she knew what that he was not taking lyrium, but he had yet to tell her that.

“Its best he open up to you.” Makenna replied.

“What about you? Have you found anyone?” Aasha asked.

“Since Anders, you mean.”

“I know you took it hard.”

“As much as I’d like to say that there was a difference between Justice and Anders, I couldn’t…” Makenna fell silent for a moment. “But that’s in the past and I have been trying to move forward. No there hasn't really been anyone since though.”

“Fenris was interested, if a little broody.”

“To close of a friend, besides my being a mage would always gnaw at the back of his mind. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

“Isobel?”

“Wouldn’t be fair to her either.”

“Wait, you do like someone then, who?” Aasha asked. “Have you talked to them about your feelings?”

“He’s…with someone.” Makenna answered. “He seems happy. I could never break apart his happiness.” She looked at Aasha. “If I did, what should I expect? A relationship? Would it even be real? I don’t know."

“I’m sorry Makenna.”

“It’s whatever, I’ll get over him.” She said. “Verric wanted me to offer some friendly advice regarding Corypheus.”

“If you have any I’d like to hear it. Shall we go inside? The upper part of the armory is generally deserted at this time.”  
Makenna nodded, and the two women began heading in that direction.

“Corypheus, you’ve already dropped half a mountain on the bastard.” Makenna said as they walked. “Anything I could tell you pales in comparison.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Aasha said. “You did save a city from a horde of rampaging Qunari.”

“I don’t see how that really applies. Or is there a horde of rampaging Qunari I don’t know about?”

“There’s a Qunari.” Aasha answered. “He almost qualifies as a horde all by himself. Thankfully he’s on our side.”

“Really? In bed too?”

“Makenna!” the two laughed.

“So then, what can I tell you?” Makenna asked.

“Verric said you fought Corypheus before.”

“Fought and killed. The Grey Wardens were holding him, and he somehow used his connection to the darkspawn to influence them. Got into their heads and turned them against each other. If the Wardens have disappeared, they could have fallen under his control again.”

“What about your brother, Makenna?”

“I had Aveline take him as far from Orlais as possible.” 

“Okay good,” Aasha replied, partly relieved. “So Corypheus has the Venatroi, the Red Templars, and now possibly the Wardens as well? Wonderful.”

“I may have some good news, maybe.” Makenna replied. “I had Stroud investigating something unrelated for me. Last time we spoke, he was worried about corruption in the Warden ranks. Since then, nothing.”

“I feel like Corypheus qualifies as corruption in the ranks,” Aasha replied. “Did Stroud disappear with them?”

“No.” Makenna answered. “He told me he’d be hiding in an old smuggler’s cave near Crestwood.”

“What was he investigating for you?”

“The Templars in Kirkwall were using a strange form of lyrium, it was red. I’d hoped the Wardens would know more about it.”

“Corypheus had Templars with him at Haven, the looked like they’d been exposed to the lyrium you describe.” Aasha pointed out.

“Hopefully Stroud will know more.” Makenna said.

“We’ll take any lead we can get at the moment.”

“I’ll do whatever I can to help.” Makenna replied. “I thought I’d killed him before. This time I’ll make sure of it.”

“We...” But Aasha was cut off as they entered the armory by the sound of a table or chairs getting thrown and Cassandra shouting. The two women ran up the stairs to see her holding Verric over the railing.

“You know where Hawke was all along!”

Your damned right I did!” Verric shouted back, pushing the woman away.

“You conniving little shit!” Cassandra swung at him, which he dodged and put a table between him and the raging Seeker.

“You kidnapped me! You interrogated me! What did you expect?”

“Enough!” Aasha shouted as her and Makenna placed themselves between the dwarf and Seeker.

“Your taking his side?!” Cassandra fired at Aasha.

“Hawke?!” Verric asked.

“I said enough!” Asha yelled.

“We needed someone to lead this Inquisition. Hawke, you were our only hope.”

“Why me?” Makenna asked.

“Leliana and I looked for the Hero of Ferelden and the Raven, but they had vanished. You were the Champion of Kirkwall, the mages respected you.” Cassandra said, turning an icy look on Verric. “And you kept her from us.”

“The Inquisition already has a leader.” Verric gestured at Aasha. No one seemed to notice the smirk Makenna shot at Aasha.

“Hawke, you would have been at the Conclave, if anyone could have saved the most holy…” Cassandra started.

“Verric is not responsible for what happened at the Conclave.” Makenna said to Cassandra. “He was just trying to protect me.”

“Exactly!” Verric added.

“You can’t change the past, Cassandra.” Aasha said calmly.

“So I must accept…what? That the Maker wanted all of this to happen? That he, that he…Verric is a liar, Inquisitor, and a snake. Even after the conclave, when we needed Hawke most, Verric kept her secret.

“I’m, with you now, Cassandra.” Makenna responded.

“See?” Verric countered. “We’re all on the same side!”

“We all know who’s side you’re on, Verric. It will never be the Inquisitions!”

“That’s unfair, Cassadnra.” Makenna replied.

“Not helping.” Aasha said to Makenna. “Cassandra, attacking him now isn’t helping anything.”

“Ha!” Verric said “Exactly!”

“And you better not be keeping anything else from us.” Aasha said to the dwarf, who looked at Makenna for help.

“She right, Verric.” Was her reply.

“I understand.” He said with a grunt. 

“I must not think of what could have been. We have so much at stake.” Cassandra said sadly. “Just go, Verric.”

“You know what I think?” Verric shot back as he left, “If Hawke had been at the Conclave, she’d be dead too.”

“Verric, come on, let’s get some drinks.” Makenna said, nodding to Aasha. 

The two women stood in silence. Aasha looked at Cassandra’s back as she leaned over the forge wondering what to say, or if she should say anything at all. 

"I believed him.” Cassandra said, breaking their silence. “He spun his story for me and I swallowed it. If I’d just explained what’s at stake, if I’d just made him understand…” She pulled a chair upright and sat before continuing. “But I didn’t, did I? I didn’t explain why we needed Hawke.” 

“I honestly don’t think it would have helped, Cassandra.” Aasha replied. “From what Makenna told me, Verric isn’t the type to be swayed by righteousness.”

“You know her well?” Cassandra looked at the Inquisitor. “Why didn’t you tell us where she was?”

“I had no idea you were even looking for her till just now.” Aasha replied. “And even then, I didn’t know her exact location, she didn’t tell me in her last letter. What if you had tracked hawk down?"

“Honestly, Hawke may not have even agreed to become Inquisitor.” Cassandra replied. “She wouldn’t have trusted me for a second. But this isn’t about Hawke, or Verric, not truly. I should have been more careful. I should have been smarter. I don’t deserve to be here.”

“Have you looked at our Inquisition, Cassandra?” Aasha said with a smirk. “We’re all fools here.”

Cassandra chocked out a short laugh

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“More at home, maybe.” Asha said with a shrug. Cassandra replied with a sigh.

“I want you to know, I have no regrets. Maybe if we’d found Hawke, the Hero, or the Raven, the Maker wouldn’t have needed to send you, but he did.” Aasha held in a roar of laughter at the Seeker’s words and kept her face deadpan. What Cassandra didn’t know, wouldn’t kill her, though it would either make her more depressed or amused at the irony. 

“You’re not what I pictured,” Cassandra continued. “But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that I know less than nothing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to continue working on this, but i got another fanfic in my head so i will be splitting time between the two works. should take me about 1 to 3 weeks to get chapters posted here, but i promise this wont die! <3 as usual i would love to hear feedback and thank you for the Kudos


	4. Update

Just wanted to give a quick update. I feel like the quality of writing i am producing with this is lacking so i am going to be using a different strategy to finish up this series that will make sure that the writing is, in my opinion, much better in quality.

stay tuned. cheers <3

AzulaLavellan


	5. update

I have not abandoned this fic, i promise! It will be combined with one of my work in progress fics so that the same story is told from Aasha's PoV and the PoV of the character starring in the other fic. 

Currently i am working on a multi-part Modern Girl in Middle Earth fic so watch out for that. :)

Love you all land sorry its taking soooooo looooong <3

**Author's Note:**

> OMG thank you for reading through the end! I would love to hear any feedback you might have :) kudos always welcome and expect a sequel shortly cause ones coming. :)
> 
> Thanks to Bioware for their amazing game and to everyone who left kudos and feedback so far <3 <3


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